Haven’t we all made promises just for the sake of stating promises? Haven’t we all felt that there’s less and less weight to promises made by you in text? Have you ever considered even yourself an easy target to break a promise with? Well dear slightly interested person of the wild wild web, I do too often, like many others: That.
Not so much that I need to respond in apologies or in excuses, but just enough to slightly disappoint myself and others. And when I do fuck-up, I’m king in telling you otherwise.
Why is that? Why do I, emotionally feel to promise something one day, just to let it go another: just as I let my feelings change? I mean I do, like everyone else: keep promises that matter in the big span of things but sometimes the new ones -that have yet to prove themselves important not to miss- have a very slight chance of making it through.
Like this promise for instance, my latest adventure: 10.000 words of short stories in waiting, why? Is it my lack of proper language that holds me back as I have re-edit all the time? I hope not. I usually try not too worry too much about being completely understood, ‘vaguely’ is fine with me and leaves room for interpretation. I mean it’s not all garble-garble, yet.
Here’s what else is keeping me from delivering: I would like to keep this all in journal form, like ‘gonzo’ which got me into reading non-fiction off-school, but it’s also limiting me to do other stories. I don’t like to talk in the a certain tense all the time, and randomly: I could never drop small rants like this one I’m writing now, unless they happened in the story. More importantly, I’m trying to write about nothing, as in: when you finish my piece, your mind should be somewhere else already: light reading. But since I don’t know my readers, my personal promises to keep this site up to date with ‘content’ are slipping.
After a bit of digging, I found the answer to be simple, as there’s no explanation to me other than: There are no visible consequences. Or at least, they don’t seem to be around. Without visible consequences I myself act immortal to silly things like death, danger and maybe even dislikes.
Really when you think about it, there are not many visible consequences in daily life that really stand out, other than those obvious that result in death of course. But even those are not really visible are they? They are made partially of knowledge mixed with a dash of fear. They are invisible and unbeknownst to you if they were really even were a consequence, unless the person next to you crossed the road first.
I’m getting waaay off-track here, and of course I like it. But the things that do really matter are relationships, being in danger is what could make you feel alive but mostly stupid, relationships make you feel like you are living. And relationships are broken easily by failing to comply to promises over time. I guarentee it.
So I won’t give up.
Here it is, I’m aware of me being lazy here and at other virtual places, but more importantly I’m aware I should spend more time with family and friends too. I’m also aware I should vote next time round and that I should even do my taxes on time, but those two will probably not make the board this year.
In all seriousness, if you want things to relax in your life. Keeping up with expectations you inadventently create yourself to others is not a feasible voyage anymore. As long as you express to your surroundings, the people you care about, what you do need and can do without: You will create a new chapter. One where you don’t have to make so many meaningless promises and where you just make those few that you can actually keep and you will be much happier. Smiley face.
So, here’s to keeping one’s promises, virtual or not, as they do still matter. I will loosen up a bit and throw you a mixed bag of gonzo and columns, to try to entertain you and myself. Because that’s what I really wanted to write about.
PS: Sorry if I got a little morbid here and there, there’s nothing too worry about though. I’m doing fine and mostly people are happy about me..